annihilate me

i'm hitting a new low tonight for the first time in months. i don't care if i feel selfish for telling friends that i'm depressed or putting it up on here (like anyone even looks at this thing except me and random searches pulling up random things i've linked to). at this point, i'm pretty down in the dumps. it's that time of year that i'm ready to just say fuck it and want everything to just end. the worst time of year for me. *sigh* fuck.

i feel like a bitch even putting it out there that i don't feel happy. it's such a comfortable mask to hide behind pretending for the world that i'm strong and happy - or, well, normal and somewhat satisfied. it feels like i'm trying to get some attention, but at the same time this makes me feel worse. why can't things be fine? why can't i feel like there's no pressure? why can't i have the basic things that others take for granted?

the pressure is building up...one of these days it's going to annihilate me...