of rocks

today started off like any other day: i woke up, was amazed that i didn't end up taking off the brace on my ankle during the night (for once), hated my alarm, stumbled around getting ready and headed out the door to work. the bus was on time, i got to work on time, i clocked in and started going about my normal routine. things were going well. nothing was out of the ordinary, really. then the hr manager stopped by and told everyone we were about to have an all-employee meeting.


one of my co-workers quipped "it's been nice working with you all!" as a joke since the meeting was unexpected. the company gathered and waited for the meeting to start. we expected that the meeting was an update regarding the possible sale of the company by the current parent company. we knew that the parent company was in the process of looking for possible bidders and that we'd been looked over by a few different companies.

we weren't ready for the following bombshell.

the company is being sold, yes, but to a competitor. the sale will close in 30 days and then we will all be out of a job. our ceo cried while telling us this. everyone was stunned. we didn't expect to be losing our jobs in the bargain. this wasn't an option anyone had planned for - the higher ups don't even have a plan, it seems, for what to do as to severance and benefits (though they have said we will be getting severance).

the rest of the day was numb. we talked, laughed, some more tears were shed. we were all in shock, exhibiting the signs and trying to mask it all as best we could. my small group within the company is great and i will miss them. i can't imagine going on without them and the laughter and fun that happens when we're together. it's just surreal, like i'll wake up tomorrow and today will have been a joke. the next two days especially will be hard as we all adjust and start the grueling task of finding new jobs.

the worst part was seeing my vp try not to cry in front of us. he's "dad" to our section and it was exactly like seeing your own flesh and blood father trying not to cry as he dealt with the same life shattering news as you are.

most of the company went off to drink. a few of us remained, trying to do our jobs. i finished up what i was doing and left with the okay from my boss - there was no way i could concentrate for several more hours. no way at all that i could sit there staring at my screen more, unable to cry, unable to think, unable to deal with it. it's over. after over seven years there, it's over. this was my first job after university. it was my first job i was at for more than a few years. there was still so much potential and now it's all gone - dried up in one fell swoop, a bid too good for the parent company to pass up.

and that thought makes it worse: they didn't consider the people it affected, only the money. i understand that they are a corporation and want the best return on their investment, but it was all so impersonal and they likely really didn't consider us at all. the representatives from the company looked scared as they stood there during the announcement.i think they knew and were waiting for outrage or another form of shock. perhaps they didn't like having to be the harbingers of doom. who knows.

*seven hours later* after having hung out with a good friend and having received well wishes and concern from quite a few friends i'm feeling a little better. there's only so much better i can feel at the moment and i think this is about as good as it gets. plans for the next six months are on hold - i don't have the money to spare now. depressing that i likely won't be able to do anything for my family for christmas. by then i may be having to throw the towel in and move home if the possible severance isn't any good. in any case, i'm preparing for the worst.

i don't want to be forced into this. it's horrible. i feel sick. i can't freak out yet, i'll fall apart.

my life is disintegrating around me.